Epilogue: October

(Song: Evanescence - Taking Over Me)

Jacob Black pulled his car to a stop in front of the gated fence that surrounded his home. Upon recognizing him, the guard waved in acknowledgement before pressing the button that would open the gate, allowing Jacob to enter. Ever since that fatal day nearly ten years ago, he had immediately installed the security fence that now surrounded the property along with a manned gate, vowing that no one in his family would ever be put in danger again.

As he drove his car down the long driveway towards the garage, he thought back to that horrendous day.

Jacob parked his car near the front door, but it wasn’t until he walked closer to the door that he heard the muffled voices coming from inside. As he reached for the handle, he frowned when he realized it sounded like someone was shouting inside the house.

Something told him to try to be quiet when he entered the house. His stealth paid off because just as he was about to reach the entrance to the living room, he heard a voice screech right before the sound of what he believed to be a muffled gunshot went off. Fear seized him when he hurried to the doorway and looked into the living room, only to see Vanessa lowering the gun she held. However, the sight of Bella lying face down near the kitchen door with a quickly spreading bloodstain on the left side of her back had him roaring with anguish.

Instinct took over, making him tackle Vanessa from behind. As they both went down, he immediately knew she wasn’t giving up so easily. Her body flailed beneath his, so much so that he spent a few precious moments wrestling with her on the floor trying to get the gun away from her. She put up a good fight, managing to land a few good blows to his face and ribs, with both her claws, fists and the gun. When they rolled yet again so that she was under him, he quickly straddled her body, grabbed her wrists to keep her from hitting him, then proceeded to slam the hand that held the gun against the floor trying to knock it out of her grip.

It only took two attempts before she let out a cry of pain as the gun slipped from her injured hand. He tried to scramble for the gun, but despite her pain, she continued to struggle with him, trying to keep him from reaching the weapon before she could get it back. He managed to kick the gun further away from them, then turned back to deal with Vanessa knowing that he had to put her out of commission somehow before he could check on Bella.

The more he struggled with her, the more he felt like he was wasting too much time. Time he knew Bella didn’t have, if the sight of the growing pool of blood beneath her prone body was any indication. Finally, his opportunity came when they rolled yet again and he felt the cool metal of the gun brush against his knuckle. Grabbing it, he slammed it into the side of Vanessa’s face. Yet when she went limp, he repeated it once more for good measure, wanting to make sure she would be out cold for a while.

Scrambling to Bella’s side, he tucked the gun into the back of his pants before trying to assess her wound. The amount of blood worried him, so he whipped his cell out and called 911 while he shrugged his suit jacket off, using it to try to staunch the blood that seemed to be pouring out of Bella’s shoulder.

After that, things seemed to blur together as he continued to apply pressure to her wound while waiting for the ambulance to get there. All the while, tears clouded his vision as he murmured to the love of his life, begging her to stay with him. He barely remembered calling out to the emergency techs when they burst into the house, nor could he remember them packing her onto the stretcher and loading her into the back of the ambulance. Even the ride to the hospital was a blur in his mind, as was the long wait until Bella got out of surgery.

As Jacob waited for the garage door to open before driving his car into his space, he thought about the weeks that had followed Bella’s shooting. Things had seemed to be a bit dismal for a while, but he had refused to lose hope for the future.

Even though Bella had survived the shooting with the bullet entering between her left shoulder blade and her spine then exiting out of her chest, she had lost a lot of blood and entered into a coma. She had been lucky that there was no spinal damage, but there had been some tissue damage along with the huge blood loss. The doctor had told them if and when Bella came out of the coma, there would be a long road to recovery involving more surgery and rehabilitation.

During that time, the police had arrested a still unconscious Vanessa from the house and taken her to jail. With Jacob’s recounting of what had happened as well as the information given by her parents and Riley, Vanessa had been pronounced certifiably insane and was supposed to be sent to a mental institution when she was released from the hospital.

Meanwhile Riley would be given custody of Vanessa’s daughter since he was her biological father and he had wanted her all along. The court had decreed that if Vanessa ever got out of the institution, she then had to face life in jail for one count of attempted murder against Bella, as well as one count of murder for the death of the security guard.

However, once Vanessa had regained consciousness, she had been unhappy with the verdict and the fact that Bella had survived her attack. She bided her time, never letting on that she still had a hidden agenda. Then, two days after Bella herself had come out of her coma, Vanessa had escaped the confines of her room to try to finish the job she’d started. Even though she had taken her room guard by surprise, he had managed to alert hospital security.

In the end, she had been chased through the hospital only to be shot down by an armed security guard just when she reached the wing that housed Bella’s room. While Jacob and Bella didn’t see the actual shooting, they were aware of it because the moment Vanessa had escaped, guards came to protect them. They heard the shots, but weren’t allowed out of the room until Vanessa was pronounced dead at the scene. Even after the body was taken away and all the evidence had been cleared, Jacob had refused to leave Bella’s side until she had been released from the hospital.

(Song: Evanescence - October) (Theme song for My Only)

"My only hope,
My only peace,
My only joy,
My only strength,
My only power,
My only life,
My only love."

Once Jacob turned off the ignition, he grabbed his briefcase from the backseat then headed to the door that would lead to the kitchen. Before he could reach it, the door flew open and his two-year-old son launched himself into his arms.

“Daddy! You home!”

Jacob chuckled as he held his son close to his body with one arm and tickled his side with the fingers of his other hand, even while still holding his briefcase.

“Yes I am, sport! What have you been up to?” he asked as he walked into the kitchen with his son.

Jacob had only taken a few steps when the boy scrambled out of his hold to show him the mess he’d made on the kitchen floor, of crayons and sheets of paper. “Making pick chairs!”

Jacob grinned at his son’s exuberance and the fact that he still couldn’t pronounce the word ‘pictures’ right, until he heard the soft laugh that always made his heart beat faster. Turning towards the stove, his gaze drank its fill of the one thing that mattered most to him in the world.

Bella was wiping her hands as she approached him with a smile. A smile that had all but disappeared for almost a year after that near fatal day ten years ago. It had been a year that had been physically and emotionally trying for the both of them, with lots of heartache mixed in.

After nearly a week of worrying that she wouldn’t wake up, he then worried that she’d never be the same again. He had even worried that the two of them would never be able to move on with a life together since Vanessa’s attack had interrupted their talk to resolve their differences.

Starting in the hospital, then continuing after she had been released, Bella had endured so much physical therapy plus psychiatric therapy to get her body and love of life back. Luckily, she had been a trooper and a strong woman despite the challenges thrown her way.

She had even surprised Jacob not long after she had woken up. Waiting until they were alone in her room, she had taken his hand in hers and told her about what had gone through her mind as she lay there, dying from the gunshot wound. She told him of the regrets she would have had if she had died and the dreams she would never get to fulfill. Then she told him how her life had flashed before her eyes, but all the scenes had been times that had meant so much to her. Times that showed how protective, amusing, loving and thoughtful he was towards her.

She then told him that she was sorry for jumping to conclusions. That she should have known better than to ever doubt his love for her after everything that they had shared throughout their lives. She would love him forever, she told him. He would always be her best friend and the love of her life.

After Bella had come clean with him, Jacob had done the same. He once again apologized for the words he had said. Explaining what had gone through his mind when those hurtful words had flown out of his mouth. He explained how he was so worried about protecting her from Vanessa, plus he had never wanted to interrupt the happiness he had seen in her when they had moved into the house together.

Bella had understood why he had acted that way, saying it was those flashbacks that had reminded her that he would always put her first even when her own subconscious tried to plant doubts in her head. She promised she would try to stop over thinking things, following her heart instead. He promised to try to think first before blurting out things, as well as talking to her no matter how hard he thought it would be for her to hear.

Thankfully, their lives had seemed to start getting back on track two years after the shooting when they had finally gotten married. By then, both of them were fully in charge of and working hard at their fathers’ company. When the doctor had given Bella her first clean bill of health, both Billy and Charlie had decided to retire in order to let their kids run the company. By that time, Jacob had been perfectly happy to have Bella alive and healthy as his wife while they ran the business together.

Of course, he had been even happier five years after that when Bella sat him down and told him she was ready to start a family. She had claimed that the working drive was now out of her system, so that all she wanted was nothing more than to be a mother to their children. Then the day she told him she was finally pregnant was the next happiest day of his life.

After finding out she was pregnant, she had begun to lessen her workload little by little until the doctor told her it was time for her to take maternity leave. Upon giving birth to their son, everyone thought it wouldn’t be long before she would be back at the office, but Bella had announced that she never wanted her kids to be raised by strangers so she would become a full-time mother at home.

Granted, she still went into the office from time to time, when she couldn’t work from home, but Jacob was still the one who carried most of the load. However, they had worked it out so that they both had hired assistants who could take over for a day or two if need be. That way, even Jacob would have time to spend with his family. Both of them had agreed that family would always come first, just like their fathers had before them.

So now here they were, nearly ten years later, still happily married with an energetic two-year-old boy to boot. Jacob set his briefcase down before wrapping his arms around his wife’s waist, thinking life couldn’t get better.

He leaned down and whispered, “I missed you,” right before he kissed her.

When they came up for air, she smiled at him as she responded, “I missed you too.”

Then she winked at him before sliding out of his arms to go pick up something from the bar in the breakfast area. He glanced at his son who was now engrossed in his latest crayon picture before looking back at Bella. Her smile widened as she held out something towards him. He gave her a puzzled look before taking the little square piece of paper from her.

As he looked down at it, she wrapped her arms around his waist then rested her cheek against his bicep.

“Congratulations daddy,” she whispered.

He perked up as her words sank in, helping him to recognize that it was a sonogram he was looking at. Turning wide eyes towards her happy gaze, he asked, “Did the doctor say…”

Her smile twinkled in her eyes as she answered, “We’re gonna be the proud parents of a little girl.”

The smile she had always loved to see on him bloomed over his face right before he wrapped her in his arms and swung her around.

He was wrong. Life could still get better.

THE END

Chapter 24: My Last Breath

(Song: E.S. Posthumus - Cuzco)

Bella let herself into the house with a sigh before closing the door and leaning back against it. Driving to the house with a security guard tailing her had sucked some of the energy she desperately needed right out of her. She knew the guard was necessary judging by Jacob’s revelations earlier that day, but it still bothered her to have someone constantly watching her.

She had always hated feeling like she was a precious commodity that was to be protected at all costs when all she had wanted was to have a normal life. All she wanted was to graduate college, succeed in her chosen job, get married, then have a family. Crazy exes and bodyguards had never figured into the mix. Unfortunately it seemed that life itself had other ideas for her than the original dreams she had chosen.

Looking around the empty foyer with some trepidation, she wondered if life would ever be normal for her.  The argument she’d had with Jacob the day before was still fresh in her mind, so was the conversation they’d just had earlier while at work. She knew they had to finish their talk, had to get everything off of their chests before they could move on, but she wondered if any of it would be worth it in the end.

She had been ready to spend the rest of her life with Jacob, her best friend and the love of her life. Yet the words he had said to her the day before still bothered her. Sure, he had apologized at work earlier and said he hadn’t meant those words, but she still had a feeling inside of her, like there was still something left unresolved.

Bella could understand if Jacob was feeling pressured by all of the demands on his life, but that was no excuse for some of the things he had said to her. The fact that Vanessa might also be up to something still didn’t seem to be enough to justify his words. He shouldn’t have made her feel like she was just another notch in his belt, like she had never meant anything to him after all this time. If he didn’t really love her and simply wanted to get her into his bed, then why had he gone through the trouble of asking her to marry him at all?

Bella knew that he had never asked any of the other women he’d dated to marry him, and she knew he would never have asked Vanessa to marry him if she hadn’t told him she was pregnant with his child. Bella knew he had never been serious with anyone he had dated before, especially since he had confessed to her that she had been the only one he had ever loved.

Yet, the words he had said the day before had contradicted almost anything he had ever said to her when they had first gotten together as a real couple. How could he have told her that he had always loved her, that he had always wanted her, only to claim that maybe all he had ever wanted was to have some time in her bed.

“And thinking of kids. Why bother? I mean, after everything that’s happened to me, do you really think it’ll be worth it? I would have thought you would see how much those things get in the way and mess up the best laid plans that people make! Haven’t you learned anything from that?…

It’s made me realize that I’m not ready for that and I don’t think any of that is worth it. I don’t want that kind of thing to mess up my life! Not now, not ever!…

I’m saying I don’t think we should talk about getting married or having kids. I don’t think that should be a part of our lives at all right now…

Figured if I put a ring on your finger, you’d be happy to stay with me…

Maybe. You know how much I’ve always liked sex.”

Ignoring the pain that wanted to suffocate her again from the memories of their argument, she tossed her keys into the bowl sitting on top of the table next to the door, then set her briefcase down next to it. The events of the last few days occupied her mind so much that she was a little more careless than usual. It showed when she simply took off her jacket as she walked through the living room, then tossed it on the sofa on her way to the kitchen instead of hanging it up in the hall closet like she normally did.

Looking at her watch made her aware of the fact that it wouldn’t be long until Jacob got home, so she decided to make a simple dinner for them to eat while they talked things through. At least she knew that cooking would keep her mind and hands busy, instead of fretting while wearing a groove in the carpet from the pacing she knew she would otherwise be doing.

In the kitchen, she rummaged through the refrigerator and cabinets, grateful that she had done some grocery shopping in the last week since they had moved into their new home. Deciding to make Sloppy Joes with a side of macaroni and cheese, she gathered all of the ingredients she needed and set them on the counter, then turned on the stove and placed a pot of water on one of the burners.

As she began to prepare the Sloppy Joes, she thought over all of the things she wanted to say to Jacob. She knew they needed to clear all of the misunderstandings they seemed to be having lately. She needed to find out where they really stood with each other and if Jacob was really ready to get married. She knew she needed to explain to him that while she wanted a family someday, she didn’t want it to start right away.

After all, they had their new careers to settle into and that would take quite some time to get used to. Not only that, but it would take time for her and Jacob to get used to living together, even when married to each other, since this was the first time for either of them to be living away from their parents. It was a whole new world for the both of them, and a whole new set of responsibilities which Bella knew she would probably take more seriously than her laid-back husband would.

When the water began boiling, she added the macaroni then started cooking the ingredients of the Sloppy Joes in another pan. Her thoughts went back to the things she wanted to discuss with Jacob as she stirred. One of the things she really wanted Jacob to explain was why he had flown off the handle when he had gotten home the day before.

She had been in such a great mood, having spent some time with Sarah and Renee working on the wedding. Then she had felt even better once she had returned to the home she was sharing with her soon-to-be husband. As she had unpacked, she had been thinking of all of the things she was looking forward to sharing with Jacob during the course of their live together, so that by the time he came home she was more than happy to tell him all about those things she had been thinking of.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t shared her enthusiasm, blowing up at her before she could even finish telling him her thoughts. She couldn’t believe how fast the fight had escalated after that. The words that had flown between them were words she would have never dreamed they would say to each other, especially since they had been best friends all of their lives. Sure, she knew she took things more seriously than Jacob did, but she thought she had known him well enough since they had grown up together.

As much as she didn’t want to revisit that fight with Jacob where she could possibly discover that she didn’t know him as well as she had thought, she knew they were going to have to address the reasons why they had even said any of those things to begin with. There was just no way to get around that. As she tried to figure out a way to peacefully talk about those things with as little pain as possible, she finished up the Sloppy Joes and macaroni and cheese.

Setting the food aside, she began rummaging through the unpacked boxes set near the pantry until she found the formal plates, cutlery, and glasses that she wanted to use. Quickly rinsing them off in the sink, she dried them with a dish towel before returning to the stove. Since moving in, they had either used paper or plastic dinnerware because they were usually on the go and it had been much more convenient.

Checking her watch again, she knew Jacob should be home at any moment, so she placed ample servings on the plates, then carried them into the dining room where she began to set the table for their meal. Once she finished setting the table, she went back into the kitchen to clean up a bit before returning to the dining room with the iced tea she had made the day before.

As she set the pitcher of tea down in the middle of the table, she heard the front door closing. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for what was sure to be an emotional evening with Jacob. She smoothed her hands down her pant-covered thighs before making her way to the foyer through the living room.

She could hear footsteps approaching the living room, prompting her to speak up. “Hi Jake, I…”

(Song: Within Temptation - Final Destination)

The rest of the words stuck in Bella’s throat as her mind caught up with what she was seeing. There before her, in the living room of the brand new house she shared with her fiancé, stood Vanessa. And she was holding a gun in her hand, pointing it directly at Bella’s chest.

Fear seized her, yet she tried to push past it long enough to squeak out the first thing that came to her mind. “How did you get in?”

She was certain she had locked the door. Hadn’t she? And where was that security guard that was supposed to be watching her?

Vanessa smirked at her. “I had intended to pick the lock, but imagine my surprise to find the door unlocked. What a welcome for little ole me!” When Bella glanced towards the door, Vanessa scoffed. “If you’re expecting that sorry excuse for a guard to show up and rescue you, don’t.” She motioned to the gun with a grin. “Who knew silencers were that effective at removing obstacles with so little fuss.”

Bella swallowed as she tried to keep calm. “Why…are you…doing this?”

Vanessa let out a high pitched laugh. “As if you didn’t get the memo! I’m here to kill you, you bitch! For taking Jacob from me!”

She suddenly shook her head in disappointment.  “I knew when I heard that you two had finally gotten together that you’d really had your claws in him from the beginning. But when I tried to tell Jacob that I knew that, back when we were together, he would never listen. So when nothing I said could make him forget you and love me more, I tried to come up with another way to make him mine.” She suddenly grinned and rubbed her stomach with the hand that wasn’t pointing the gun at Bella’s body. “Then our little miracle happened.”

Bella’s eyes went wide. “But…but it wasn’t even Jacob’s baby! He told me that you’d been with others in between dating him! He told me that the doctor said it was Riley’s baby!”

Vanessa shrugged. “So what?” Then she glared at Bella as she curled both hands around the gun, tensing her arms out towards her target. “He didn’t need to know that! I knew once I told him that I was pregnant, he’d do the right thing and marry me. Me! You would be out of the picture and I would be getting what I wanted! What was rightfully mine!” She spat out the next words. “Then that stupid quack of a doctor had to ruin things by telling Jacob that the baby wasn’t his! Ugh! You! You always had to ruin everything!”

Bella sputtered. “Me? But…but I didn’t…”

“Yes. You. Did!” roared Vanessa, even though the gun never wavered. “You fucking, meddling bitch! If you hadn’t coerced him into waiting and talking to his dad, we’d have been married before the fucking doctor got to him! But no!” She drawled out the last word before continuing on. “So I lost everything that mattered to me! Everything! But I refused to give up! I knew I had to find a way to prove to everyone that you were a worthless piece of shit! I knew I had to find a way to get your damned claws out of him again!”

Vanessa paused, something like pain flickered over her face, then she was glaring at Bella again. “Then they came and took Jacob’s baby away from me today! Those bastards! It made me see red! And then I knew! I just knew you had to die!”

Bella blinked as she realized just how far Vanessa had fallen off of her rocker. Something must have happened earlier to push Vanessa past the point of no return. Whatever it was, Bella knew it had to do with the baby. Yet, even facing someone as crazy as Vanessa was, Bella knew she had to try to find a way to stall the woman, maybe even try to get her to lower the gun.

She prayed Jacob would be home soon as she began to try to reason with Vanessa, even while she didn‘t want him hurt by the madwoman . “Look Vanessa, maybe if you tell me what happened today, maybe…maybe I can help you get your baby back. Just put…”

“NO!” Vanessa screeched. “It’s over for you, bitch!”

Bella held up her hands in placation. “Vanessa, don’t you think they’ll know it was you who did this?”

Vanessa shook her head with a feral grin. “Nope. They won’t! You see, I’m going to make it look like it was a robbery gone bad!” She cackled. “They’ll never know what really happened! And you? You’ll finally be out of our lives for good!”

Lifting a hand to twirl around a lock of her hair, Vanessa batted her eyes at Bella. “And guess who’ll be there to comfort poor Jakey when he finds out his sorry old fiancée is dead?” Vanessa paused to let it sink in, before nodding. “Yep, I’m positive that he’ll be back in my bed in no time at all!”

Bella frowned. “What about Riley, Vanessa? I heard that he loves you and the baby.”

Vanessa growled. “It’s. Not. His. Baby! How many times do I have to tell you people? And who gave him the right to sic social services on me today? What gave them all the right to take Jacob’s baby from me?”

(Song: Within Temptation - Murder)

The hands that held the gun shook as she continued. “If I can’t have our baby back, then I’ll just have to make another one with Jacob! But first, you have to die!”

Bella slowly shook her head. “You can’t do this. Think about Jacob. Do you think he will really get over something like this?”

Vanessa nodded. “He’ll have me. I’ll soothe his pain away, like I’ve done before. In the end, it won’t matter because I’ll give him everything he needs to be happy.”

Nothing Vanessa said was making any sense, but Bella knew better than to point that out. She tried to think of another way to get Vanessa to lower the gun, but she was running out of options. Where was Jacob?

Vanessa huffed. “Enough of this! I’m running out of time!” She clutched the gun tighter as she looked Bella up and down. “Now, not that it matters, but what part of your body would you like to be shot in?” She tilted her head to the side. “Can’t do extremities since it’ll take too long for you to die, bleeding out and all that. Of course, it would seem a bit romantic if it ripped out your heart, but there’s nothing romantic about you.” She tsked. “I’m not wasting a perfectly good bullet on you, that’s for sure.”

Bella tried not to gape at the gruesome rambling that Vanessa was doing, but it had managed to steal her ability to keep reasoning with the woman.

Vanessa continued on with her spiel. “There’s the stomach, but that’s just messy and again, too slow. So…that leaves…your head.” Grinning, she lifted the gun to point it at Bella’s forehead. “I’m gonna be nice and ask if you have any last words before we get this over with.”

Bella instinctually took a step back before Vanessa shook her head. “Uh uh, bitch. Don’t try to run, trust me, I can shoot you in the back of the head just as easily as I can shoot the front. That’s what months of practicing shooting soda cans will do for you.”

Bella froze as she realized she was staring death in the face. There was no way out of this, yet she knew she had to plead her case one last time.

“Vanessa please…”

“Oh Yeah! That’s it! Let me hear you beg!” she crowed.

Bella ignored her comments as she continued, “…don’t do this. You don’t want to do this.”

“Yes, I do.” came the straightforward response.

Bella shook her head. “No, you don’t. Can’t you see how hard…”

They both heard the opening of the front door at the same time. As Vanessa turned to look towards the door, Bella took that opportunity to run in the opposite direction.

She heard Vanessa screech, “Come back here you bitch! It’s not hard to shoot you! See?”

(Song: Evanescence - My Last Breath)

Bella gasped as she heard the muffled sound of a gunshot accompanied by a sharp pain high up on the left side of her back. The impact was strong enough to twist her body almost all the way around, while her forward momentum finally had her falling face down to the ground.

As she lay there, several things managed to register through her pain-muddled mind. She could feel heat spreading over her shoulder even as the fire burned her from within. She was even vaguely aware that she had seemed to land in something wet and sticky.

As she tried to fight past the pain, she realized that the heat was quickly fading, to be replaced by a chilling cold the likes of which she had never felt before. Her eyes fluttered closed as she began to shiver, and somewhere in the distance she heard the sounds of scuffling and voices, but she couldn’t make out what that was all about.

At least the pain seemed to be leaving now, she thought. Her body seemed to be going numb, even cancelling out the chill that had suddenly taken over. Deep down inside, she knew what that meant, especially since she was feeling more and more lethargic with every breath that was left in her body.

She knew she wouldn’t get to say goodbye to Jacob. She knew it would be too late before anyone found her now. At least he knew she had loved him to the end. She only hoped that he wouldn’t fall for Vanessa’s schemes and that whoever found her body wouldn’t believe she had been accidentally shot in a burglary gone wrong.

There would be no fulfilling of her dreams now. She wouldn’t get to marry Jacob. They wouldn’t be raising a family together and she would never get to work things out with him that night. She only hoped that he wouldn’t suffer much over her death. He deserved to have a long and happy life with someone who would love him as much as she had.

Even though she was going numb and the last breaths seemed to be leaving her body, she felt a slight pressure to her back while scenes of her life began to flash behind her closed lids. She noticed how every scene seemed to include Jacob, reminding her once again just how much a part of her life he had always been.

She remembered making mud pies with him in his parents’ backyard when they were five years old. At ten, Jacob became her protector from bullies like Lauren. At fifteen, they had discovered the world of tickle fests and at sixteen they had lost their virginity to each other. Then at eighteen Jacob had made her believe in fairy tales again.

It wasn’t until they were twenty-one when her beliefs had paid off because they had started exclusively dating. He had taken her on a perfect first date, then they had spent a fun summer in California. At twenty-two they had spent Christmas with their families at a ski resort. Spring Break in Las Vegas had Jacob proposing to her and graduation had them vacationing in Europe.

She remembered all of the laughter, tears and joy she had shared with Jacob. Even to the last few months when they had begun to focus on their jobs while looking for a house to move into. As tense as things had been, there had still be moments full of love and smiles.

She would miss all that she knew. She would miss the sound of his voice and the feel of his arms around her. She would miss his kisses and the way his smile lit up the room.

Just when the image of the last time he had held her in his arms while telling her that he loved her flashed through her mind, she had the strangest sensation like she was floating on air.

Then her whole world faded to black.

Chapter 23: Lacrymosa

Warning: This chapter contains what may be offensive language to some people.

(Song: Pink - I Don’t Believe You)

Jacob slowly sank onto the bed, eyes still trained on the engagement ring that Bella had left on the dresser that was across the room. He had been vaguely aware of the slamming of the front door, then the squeal of tires as Bella drove away from the house. The only thing that kept running through his mind was how could he have been that stupid to say the things he had said.

Why couldn’t he have told her the truth? About his fears, about Vanessa, about everything. Instead, he had to be an ass by blurting out nonsense or agreeing with whatever she had falsely accused him of.

He couldn’t believe he let his panic overcome him enough that he had lit into her about the things she was planning for their future wedding. The truth was, he could understand why it was good to have made a decision on the theme and colors of the wedding. After all, you needed to keep those things in mind when gathering everything to produce the finalized product.

So what if she had gone to look at invitations and venues and the like? All she had been doing was research and there was nothing wrong with that. After spending years in college, even he knew the benefits of doing your research, no matter what it was for. He knew it would pay to be prepared in the long run.

No, he really couldn’t fault Bella for planning their wedding, he knew he wanted to marry her. He even knew he’d like to get married soon, not ten or fifteen years down the road like he had told her. He couldn’t blame Bella for giving into the pressure from their parents to start planning it. Heck, he’d been on the verge of suggesting it himself before she had called him to tell him that his mother had found a potential home for them.

As for the house itself, he didn’t really hate it. Sure, he’d wanted a smaller, starter home for the two of them, but Bella’s insight was right. This house was perfect for the family they could have down the road and it had been available right now. Why pass up that kind of opportunity when you had the choice? Even he knew better than to have turned the house down.

So what if it was only him and Bella right now? It would give them time to make the house into a home while they worked a few years until they were ready to fill the house with children.

And he did want children. He wanted to share the raising of them with Bella. To have little girls that looked like her and little boys whom he could play football and other sports with. He wanted to be able to protect his girls from harm and teach the boys how to treat and respect others. He wanted to kiss skinned knees and hug their fears away. He wanted it all.

So why had he gone and accused her of springing an unwanted pregnancy on him, then proclaimed that he didn’t want kids because they messed up people’s lives? How could he have been so foolish as to say something like that to the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with?

But the worst part was what he’d done right before she had left the living room. When Bella had asked him if the only reason he had asked her to marry him was so that he could keep her in his bed, he hadn’t denied it at all. It wasn’t true, but like a brainless idiot he had let her believe it.

After everything they had shared, not just as a couple, but as best friends while growing up, he had let her believe that the only thing he had ever wanted from her was her body. God, he wouldn’t blame her if she never talked to him again, but he knew he’d never let that happen. He had to talk to her again. Had to make her understand why he’d acted the fool tonight.

He had to come clean with her once and for all, that way he could begin to fix the mess he’d made out of their life. Glancing at the alarm by the bed, he noticed that it had been a little over an hour since she had left. Hoping that she would talk to him, he went downstairs to retrieve his cell phone from his briefcase.

He dialed her number, then listened as the phone rang. When it went to voicemail, he sighed and waited to leave his message.

When the beep sounded, he rushed to get his message out. “Bella listen, I know I said some really stupid things tonight. I really need you to know that I didn’t mean any of it. Please tell me we can talk about this. I want to apologize to you and tell you what really was bothering me, okay? Call me, honey. I love you.”

He hung up the phone, then walked into the living room to sit forlornly on the couch. He knew he was going to have to spend that night alone. Sure, he deserved it after the way he had treated her, but it was still going to be hard. He had gotten used to coming home to her, to going to sleep in her arms and waking up with her besides him.

Yet he knew despite the fact that he had left the message for her, she probably wouldn’t be answering him at all tonight, even if he tried to call her again. Resigned to spend the night alone, he began to make his way back to the bedroom.

(Song: Within Temptation - The Cross)

As soon as he stepped onto the first stair, his cell phone began to ring. Without even looking at the ID, he answered it quickly.

“Hello, Be…”

“Jacob! Oh I’m so glad this is still your number!” came Vanessa’s elated voice.

Jacob cringed as he berated himself for not looking at his phone before answering it. Outwardly, he spoke in what he hoped was a calm voice.

“Vanessa, is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry for bothering you, but I just needed to hear your voice. I miss you so much, Jacob.”

Closing his eyes, he prayed he could handle this and get her off the phone before they both said anything that could set her off. “Look, it’s late and I haven’t eaten yet, so…”

“You haven’t eaten? I could come over and cook something for you, if you wanted.”

Her offer threw him off. “What?”

“Please?” she begged. “I have plenty of stuff here that I could take with me. It wouldn’t take long to throw something simple together. It would give us some time to catch up with each other again.”

He ran an agitated hand through his hair. “Vanessa, it’s too late to come over and you know I can’t get involved with you.”

“But why not?” she whined.

“You know why.” He paused, but when she didn’t answer he continued. “You know I’m seeing someone else now and I care about her a lot. You and I both had moved on Vanessa, it was only natural for that to happen.”

“No!” she snapped. “I didn’t move on! You did! But then again…you’d already made your choice before you met me, didn’t you?”

A chill went down his spine at her words. He tried to placate her as he calmly replied, “Look, you know we tried to make it work. Several times. But it just didn’t happen. Then you met Riley and I thought he was good for you. He was what you needed, so I didn’t interfere and let you go, then I moved on. I’m sorry, Vanessa, but that’s just how it is.”

“Don’t lie to me! Do you really think I’m that stupid? That I haven’t figured out that the tramp you’ve moved on with is the one and only Bella Swan? Come on Jacob Black! I know how hard you kept chasing that tail! I know how badly you wanted between her legs!”

“Vanessa,” he warned with a slight edge to his voice, “You don’t want to go there.”

“Don’t I?” she snarled. “You probably thought you had me played for a fool all along, didn’t you? Let me just hand Vanessa off to Riley so I can go play with the swan! Fine! You’ve had your fun now! It’s time to dig yourself out of that bitch’s cunt and come back to the real world, Jacob! It’s time you finally admitted that this little baby girl suckling at my tits is your daughter!”

Jacob’s entire body had gone stiff the moment Vanessa had begun to use such crass words. Now when she was done, he tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t make her thirsty for anyone’s blood. He briefly wondered if the baby really was in her arms right now since that wasn’t the ideal situation at the moment.

His hesitation cost him. “You can deny it all you want, but I know the truth! The stupid doctor and his tests lied! They all lied! And if you saw the baby, you would know it too! Even Riley knew it! She looks nothing like him! Nothing! I wasn’t kidding when I told you she has your smile! But that’s not all she has that makes her yours! She even has your eyes and her hair matches the color of yours more than it does mine!”

“Vanessa! We had the doctor run the test multiple times! The results were the same every time!”

“So he says! Come on! It’s not hard to fake tests these days! I say we take another one and this time we both be there for the whole thing! I’ll prove to you that this baby is yours!”

He yanked at his hair, he’d had enough of her crazy ways. That on top of his problems with Bella just pushed him over the edge. “It doesn’t matter if it’s mine or not, Vanessa! Get it through your head! I’m not going back to you! I don’t love you and I never will!”

“Oh, but you love that tramp you’re supposedly engaged to? She must be a great fuck if you went through all that trouble to ask her to marry you. We all know just how much you preferred to sleep around without a care in the world until you met that bitch!”

The fact that Vanessa echoed Bella’s assumption that he was such a man whore really set him off. “Yes I love her, but you’ve got some things wrong! I’ve known her since we were born and she’s always been a part of my life. We grew up together and we fell in love long before you and I got together, Vanessa!”

He couldn’t stop his voice from rising as he continued to yell into the phone. “You want to know the real reason why I never committed to any of the other girls I dated? Why not even you could tie me down? It’s because I was waiting for her all along! I was waiting for her to finally admit that she loved me as much as I’ve always loved her!”

There was silence for a long time before he could hear the beginnings of soft crying. “No,” came her strangled cry. “No, you’re lying. You…you love me.”

Through gritted teeth he snarled. “No. I. Don’t!”

“Please,” she whispered. “Please, Jacob. Just give me a chance.”

“I can’t. I won’t. Listen to me, Vanessa! Listen closely because this is the last time we are ever having this conversation! I’m in love with Bella Swan and I am going to marry her if she’ll have me. So if I were you, I’d give up trying to get me back because it’s never going to happen.”

He paused for a moment before finishing with, “Oh and one more thing, I wouldn’t try anything stupid either. Not only are you being watched, but there have been implements put into place to keep you from coming after me or anyone else. You got that? Stay the hell away from me, my family and Bella’s family! You try anything and you will pay for it! Don’t call me! Don’t write to me! And if you see me on the street leave me the hell alone! For the last time, goodbye Vanessa!”

He quickly hung up the phone before she could say anything else, then dialed his father’s number even though he was sure his father had already gone to bed. Just when he thought the call was going to voicemail, he heard a mumbled, “Hello?”

“Dad, it’s Jacob, I know it’s late, but something’s come up and I need your help to take care of it right now.”

************************************************
(Song: Amethystium - Autumn Interlude)

Bella tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she made her way down the hall towards her office. It was just after lunch, yet it had been a long, trying day already. She had woken up to the sound of her cell phone ringing, but had chosen to ignore it until she was fully awake. When she’d checked it later, she saw that it had been Jacob that had called. In fact, he had already made three other phone calls before that particular one. Of those three, one of the calls had been made the night before, but the other two had been made within a few minutes of each other that morning.

She had listened to the voicemail from the call of the night before since that was the only one he’d left, but didn’t call him back when she was done. Instead, she had gotten up to take a shower and get ready for work. When the shower didn’t wash away the sorrow and pain from the night before, she had hoped the coffee she intended to retrieve from the kitchen would help bolster her spirits.

Yet when she had finally descended the stairs, dressed sharply for work with her hair in a tidy bun, her father had been waiting for her with an ultimatum she didn’t want to hear. She was going to be tailed by a hired guard to and from work until further notice. Nothing she said could change her father’s mind and he wouldn’t tell her why he had the sudden need to beef up security other than a muttered, “talk to Jacob.”

“Talk to Jacob,” her mother had reiterated when Bella had found her in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee. “Talk to him and he’ll explain what happened and why you need to be more careful now. Not only that, but you do need to talk to him to clear up whatever happened between you two.”

When Bella had let out a huff of indignation, her mother had kindly patted her arm. “I know you’re upset and maybe even angry with him, but he said he was sorry for what happened and wants to make things right again, sweetheart. Just give him a chance to apologize, okay?”

Once Bella had gotten to work, her father marched right into her office and insisted she go talk to Jacob immediately because that was suddenly more important than anything that had to do with her job. Since she got her stubbornness from him, she had ignored his request and dove right into her work.

So what if her cell phone had rang several times at intervals until she had put it on silent and tossed it into her purse? So what if she had barked at her secretary to tell Mr. Jacob Black that she was not in the office and that she would return his call when she had the chance to? She kept her door locked at all times, making sure her secretary knew that no one was allowed to interrupt her under any circumstances.

Despite avoiding Jacob all morning, she still felt like everyone was breathing down her neck, making her lose her concentration to the point that she’d had to repeat parts of her job that she could normally do in her sleep. It was so bad that by the time lunch rolled around, her tidy bun was now loose with several strands falling into her face and down her neck. She imagined that her body looked just as disorganized and weary as she felt.

Unable to keep anything down due to her circumstances, she had abandoned the granola bar she’d intended to eat for lunch and returned to work, avoiding all areas and paths where there was a chance to run into Jacob. It wasn’t until she stepped into her office upon returning from the file room that she realized how futile all that sneaking around had been. For there, leaning against her desk was the man of the hour.

His hands fiddled with the end of his tie as he gave her a pleading look. “Bella, honey…”

She started to turn around but he leaped up to race past her in time to shut the door before she could escape.

“Wait, just…” he started.

“Not now, Jacob!” she snapped.

“Please?” He begged. “Just hear me out, okay?”

She sighed before turning back to her desk where she fell heavily into her chair and crossed her arms. “I’m listening.”

He fiddled with his tie again as he made his way to one of the chairs in front of her desk. Sitting down, he cleared his throat then looked her square in the eyes.

“I want to apologize for the way I acted last night and for the things I said. I want you to know that I didn’t mean any of it.”

She glared at him. “You know as well as I do that when someone says something in the heat of an argument, it’s because they’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

He shook his head. “No, everything I said just came out all wrong, Bella. You see, I panicked because of something else that had been bothering me. Something I didn’t tell you about and I should have known better than to keep it from you.”

“Really? So, are you going to tell me what it is now?”

He sighed as he sat back in the chair. “Um, about a week and a half ago, the morning after we had just agreed to let our parents put that down payment on the house, I ran into Vanessa when I was getting coffee.”

Bella suddenly sat up straighter in her chair. “What?”

He nodded. “Yeah, at first she seemed just cordial, so I figured I’d just say hi, then go on my way. But when she kept talking to me, it just got worse. I was surprised when she admitted that she was seeing a shrink, but then she went on to say that she wasn’t with Riley anymore because he didn’t have the right to see the baby when it looks so much like me.” He scoffed. “Can you believe it? She claims that the baby has my smile!”

Bella could see the slight shudder that went through him as she prodded, “So, what happened then?”

“She told me that once she got better things could work out for us. She wanted me to be a part of the baby’s life. Actually, the words she used were, our daughter’s life.”

Bella closed her eyes. “Oh good lord.”

“I know, but she seemed to snap out of it. It was really weird, one minute she was the crazy woman I’ve talked to before and then she was this really sweet woman apologizing for keeping me from my work, telling me that she didn’t mean what she had just said. Then she told me that she’d see me around and left.”

“Is that why I suddenly have a security guard tailing me again?”

Jacob shook his head as he leaned forward to give her a worried stare. “No, the reason you have the guard is because last night, after you went to your parents, she called me again.”

Bella’s breath stilled in her lungs. It took her a few tries before her throat would work so she could ask her next question. “What…what did she say?”

“First, I would have never answered, but I thought it was you since I had just called and left a message on your cell. I didn’t even look at the caller ID, so when I picked up, she said she missed me and asked to go over and cook for me. When I tried to get out of it, she said she wanted me back and like before I told her that we both had moved on.”

He paused for a moment before he slid his hand over the desk towards her. “Bella, she knows it’s you that I’m seeing. I never said your name during that part of the conversation, but she said it and she said she knows we’re engaged. She said I was deluding myself into thinking that I could ever have a relationship with you and that it was time to stop the games. She said it was time for me to go back to her and admit that her baby really is mine.”

He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “God Bella, the things she said…they scared me more than I’ve ever been scared before. I’ve never felt so terrified, plus I was still upset over the things I said to you that made you leave, so I lost it and yelled at her. I told her that nothing she could do could ever make me love her when I’ve loved you since we were kids. I told her to stop with her lies and then told her if she even thinks about trying to harm me or anyone close to me that she would pay for it.”

Bella’s eyes went wide. “You threatened her over the phone? How did she take it?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I told her goodbye for the last time then hung up on her and called dad. I knew we had to get security up as soon as possible after that phone call.”

Bella swallowed. “What do you think she’s going to do?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Dad has his men watching her right now and so far she’s busy dealing with social services and Riley.” He sighed. “Bella, I know things are so crazy right now, but I just need to know…have I messed up things for us?”

(Song: Evanescence - Lacrymosa)

She stared at him for a few tense moments before he went on. “I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t mean any of what I said last night. I love you so much. You know I want forever with you. Please, can we just sit down and talk it all out? You have no idea how hard it was for me to sleep in our bed last night, without you next to me.”

Jacob had to stop long enough to clear his throat of the fear and unshed tears before he continued to beg Bella for the chance to make it all up to her. “God, I wish I could take it all back, Bells. I wish I had just told you about that stupid encounter, but you had been so happy lately and I didn’t want anything to wipe that smile off of your face. You have no idea how much I love seeing you smile, honey. How much I want to always see it and know it’s there because you’re with me.”

A tear slid down Bella’s cheek, making Jacob wish he could just lean over to brush it away with his hand. “Jake…I…”

He held back a sob as he croaked, “I can’t lose you Bells, I can’t. Please, say you’ll come home with me tonight. Say we’ll talk about all of this and work it out together.”

She wiped the tears off of her cheek before nodding. “Yes. Yes, you’re right. We need to talk.” She straightened her top before giving him a stern look. “But Jacob, we have to talk about everything that’s been getting in our way! We have to talk about what each of us wants out of a future as a couple. We have to be honest and make sure there are no more huge misunderstandings again. We have to realize that even though we don’t see things the same way, we can still figure out how we are going to make it work even with those differences.”

He nodded. “I know. I know I have to stop being so childish and be more responsible. I have to stop just living in the now and start thinking about our future and where I want us to go. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you believe that I really do want a future with you, Bella. A future that will include a perfect wedding and beautiful children that we will raise together in that house that we both want.”

Bella gave him a teary smile as she nodded. “I’d like that Jacob. I really would.”

He returned her smile with one of his own. “So? Will I see you at home tonight?”

“Yes.” She stood up to walk around the desk towards him. “Yes, I’ll be there.”

He reached out to take her hands in his. “Thank you Bells. Thank you for meeting me half way.”

She leaned over and pressed her forehead against his chest. “When we get home we have to talk right away. We have to agree to try to make things work, Jacob. I can’t do this again.”

He wrapped his arms around her. “I know honey. We’ll make it work, I promise. I love you so much, Bella.”

She hugged him back, “I love you too Jacob. I love you so much.”

Chapter 22: Field of Innocence

(Song: E.S. Posthumus - Harappa)

Vanessa paced the length of her room in her parent’s house. Both of her parents were at work, which meant no one was trying to quiet the annoying cries of the infant girl that lay in the nursery down the hall. When the wails grew louder, Vanessa muttered to herself and tugged at her hair as if that would make the sounds go away.

Lately it seemed as if all the baby did was cry. It was an endless sound, at any time of the day. In the morning when people were still sleeping, in the afternoon when people were busy with other things and at night when people were trying to get to sleep. Over and over again, varying in pitch but always relentless. Wail…wail…wail!

Once more the wailing grew in pitch, prompting Vanessa to whirl towards the door with a screech, “Shut up already! No one wants to listen to your whining!”

As if on cue the sounds stopped, plunging the house into silence except for the soft sound of Vanessa’s labored breathing. She continued to glare at the door as if daring the sounds to start again. When no sounds came after a few minutes, she unfurled her fists and relaxed her shoulders before making her way to her bed. Sinking down on the edge of it, she ran shaking hands through her already messy hair while trying to calm her breathing.

“Okay,” she muttered. “Okay, you’ve got to get it together Vanessa. Do it just like the doctor said when you start to feel strange. Take deep breaths.”

She took a deep breath, held it, then let it out before repeating the process a couple of times. “Come on, you can do it. Just calm yourself.”

She continued to take deep breaths, slowly calming herself down with each exhalation until she didn’t feel so strange anymore. She scrubbed her hands over her face, trying to wipe away the rest of the strange emotions that had been boiling inside of her. Once she felt like herself again, she rose to her feet then went to the attached bathroom.

Quickly she cleaned up a bit until she felt somewhat refreshed before leaving her bedroom entirely. Walking down the hallway, she came to a stop in front of the nursery door and as quietly as she could, opened it to peer inside.

She could hear her daughter cooing from her crib which brought a smile to her face. She glided to the crib and leaned over, her smile widening as she saw her infant daughter gazing up at her with wide hazel eyes.

“Hello precious. Did you have a good nap?”

The baby gurgled happily as her little hands waved in the air.

“That’s good sweetheart. Come on now, mommy’s gonna clean you up and then get you something to eat.” She reached into the crib, gently taking her daughter into her arms to hold her close to her chest.

The baby continued to coo happily as Vanessa walked over to the changing table where she efficiently changed both the diaper and Onesie that the baby was wearing. Once she had cleared the area of all messes and had her daughter dressed again, Vanessa took her daughter back into her arms. Cradling her precious bundle close to her, she walked out of the nursery and headed to the kitchen.

Once she had finished preparing a bottle, she went to living room to sit in the rocker there. Beaming down at her daughter as she fed her, Vanessa spoke to her in a baby voice.

“That’s it sweetheart. Drink up. You have nothing to worry about today. Mommy has everything under control.” The baby continued to drink the formula as Vanessa sat back and looked around the room. Her smile faded as she got a faraway look in her eyes, yet when the baby cooed it brought her concentration back. Setting aside the empty bottle, she moved her daughter up to her shoulder to gently burp her. The baby let out a healthy burp before gurgling happily against her shoulder.

Vanessa rocked her daughter as she rubbed small circles on her back, comforting her baby. Once again her gaze went far away as a twisted smile curled over one side of her face.

“There, there my sweetheart. Never fear. Mommy’s gonna make everything better for us. Soon.”

*****************************************

Jacob tried to keep his mind on driving as he made his way home from work. So much had happened in the last couple of weeks that his mind was still spinning from the events. The house that his mother had shown him and Bella had been brought with a down payment from both his parents and Bella’s as a late engagement present, yet the lease was under his and Bella’s name.

The moment it was signed, he and Bella had begun to move in which had been a little less than a week ago. On top of that, Bella was now in full wedding mode under the guidance of Renee and Sarah. Although he was glad to see that Bella was much happier and lighter on her feet lately, he knew he was just getting more and more moody. He tried to be as happy as Bella was since their life was moving forward together, but he just couldn’t shake the weight of everything that was bothering him.

He wondered when Bella was going to comment on the fact that he seemed to be focusing more and more on his work, so much so that he was leaving early in the morning, then returning home later than usual. Not only that, but he knew she had to notice other things he’d been doing in the recent days.

Take the new house for example. When they first went to see it, Bella had fallen in love with it immediately, Jacob had not. While the house was big enough and comfortable enough to raise a family in, Jacob had wanted something more modern looking. They were a young, enterprising couple after all, so why couldn’t they have moved into a more sleek, modern house. Something like a townhouse or condo, not the beautifully maintained classic Victorian that they had moved into.

He had tried to explain to Bella what he had envisioned for a first house, but she had sided with their parents. The house they had chosen was perfect for raising their future family in, plus why wait when that house was already available and within their price range. Bella had done the math, she knew she and Jacob could afford the payments on the house with their combined income. Nothing he could say could deter her, so in the end he had let both her and their parents convince him to sign on it.

He couldn’t really complain about the house. It did have plenty of bedrooms and the main rooms were large enough to fit their family during holidays and the like. Still, would it have mattered if they had started with something smaller than what they had moved into? He couldn’t help but feel the leash tightening around his neck when he had signed the lease with Bella, knowing that wasn’t a good thing.

Since then, his mind had been troubled, making him feel as if he were growing more distant from his fiancée. When they were together, he knew Bella had to feel as if he were not even listening to her since she often had to get his attention, then repeat whatever it was that she had just said to him moments ago. He really tried to pay attention to her, but he couldn’t make himself focus on the here and now, or muster up the same enthusiasm she had for planning their life together.

Heck, he even knew the intimacy with Bella wasn’t the same either and that was saying something. He had never had any problems paying attention to Bella when they were sharing a passionate moment, but lately he couldn’t even focus on making love to her. He knew that would be a low blow for Bella if she ever figured it out, but he just couldn’t seem to get into the moment anymore. That didn’t mean he had given up though, the last thing he ever wanted to do was give up on the relationship he shared with her.

She was his best friend and the love of his life, so he knew he had to get himself together or he would lose everything that mattered to him. Still, he couldn’t stop the panic attacks he occasionally had when he thought about his future with Bella, especially when he sometimes felt as if they were moving way too fast. He had thought Bella was on the same page as he was since they both had told their parents to lay off on the wedding planning, but then Bella saw the house and suddenly she seemed to be on their parents’ side, leaving Jacob feeling like the odd man out.

Now she was happily moving their things into the new house, shopping for furniture and other things for said house, plus planning a huge wedding for them. All of that on top of the job she still had with her father’s business made her a busy bee, yet she still seemed to have time to spend with him when he was home. She greeted him every day with a smile on her face and so much enthusiasm he was wondering just what was in the water she was drinking.

He couldn’t understand where all her enthusiasm was coming from when she worked almost the same hours he did, then spent hours shopping and planning with either Sarah or Renee. She was even finding time to decorate their new home because every time Jacob came home, there was a new piece of furniture or some other noticeable difference to the house’s interior. Being a guy, he didn’t get into interior decorating but even he could tell how the new house was looking more and more like a home instead of two empty stories full of empty rooms.

As he finally pulled up into their driveway, he parked his car and stared up at the house with some trepidation, wondering what new addition he’d notice this time. Briefly contemplating on returning to work, he swallowed down his apprehension and silently told himself to quit panicking over nothing.

That thought made him frown. He knew what the main factor was that fed his dour mood. He still hadn’t told Bella about his last encounter with Vanessa. Granted, he hadn’t run into her since then and there hadn’t been any mysterious phone calls, but he still couldn’t get their strange conversation out of his mind.

His father’s people were still keeping tabs on her while she seemed to still be attending the psychiatrist meetings, plus she and her daughter were still living with her parents. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary which prompted his father and Charlie to lay off the security guards even though the first thing they had done was amp up the new house with it’s own high-tech security system.

So why did he feel like his whole world was going to hell in a hand basket? Was it really Vanessa that was bothering him or was it something else?

(Song: Mythos - Alpha)

Letting out a resigned sigh, he reluctantly got out of the car, grabbed his briefcase, then made his way to the front door. Putting his key into the slot, he frowned when he realized that the door was unlocked. Bella was extremely lax with their security because she was having a bad habit of leaving doors unlocked lately. What was the point of having a top notch security system if they weren’t taking advantage of it?

Opening the door, he went inside and set his briefcase by the hall table before tossing his keys into the small dish that was on top of the table.

“Bells?” he called out, intending to find her and once again emphasize the importance of using the security system.

“In the living room,” came her response.

Upon entering the living room, Jacob found Bella sitting on the floor surrounded by a few boxes. She had been looking through one of them, but when he entered the room, she stood up with a grin before launching herself at him.

“There you are! I was wondering how late you would be working today.”

He leaned down to let her give him a kiss before she went on. “I can start dinner if you’re hungry.”

He shook his head. “Not just yet, okay?”

She nodded.

“So what’s all this?” He asked as he looked at all the boxes scattered around the room, forgetting about the issue of security for the moment.

She chuckled. “Our dads brought over the last of our things earlier today while I was out with Sarah and mom looking at wedding invitations.”

He jerked his head up. “Wedding invitations? We haven’t even set a date yet!”

Waving a hand in nonchalance, Bella responded. “I know that, but it doesn’t hurt to look at the different kinds of invitations that are out there.”

Jacob just stood there as Bella walked over to the box she had been sitting behind. She turned back to him with a huge smile on her face. “Oh Jake, I still can’t believe it’s all coming together so well! I mean, this house is such a dream come true, isn’t it? I was starting to get so frustrated looking at houses until Sarah showed me this one! Your mom is such a miracle worker sometimes, I swear!”

He tried to think of something nice to say to that, but Bella just continued on with her cheerful dialogue. “I’m still thrilled that Sarah found the perfect place for us to have our reception in! It even fits our theme and colors so well!”

Jacob’s eyes went wide. “Wait! We have a theme? When did that happen?”

Bella tsked at him. “Two days ago, silly! We were having dinner with our moms when we decided on both that and the colors!”

She frowned at him for a moment before the smile returned. “Anyway, Sarah and I think that a fall wedding will work best since that is usually the easiest time to rent that particular venue for the reception.”

“The fall? Bella, I thought we weren’t going to set a date yet!” Jacob exclaimed.

“We haven’t, Jacob. I didn’t say it would be this fall, just that it should be during the fall season.” Again she frowned at him. “What is with you lately? You haven’t been keeping up with everything I’ve been saying.”

He ran a flustered hand through his hair. “Sorry, you know work is kicking my ass right now.”

Bella stared at him for a moment, clearly looking like she didn’t believe that excuse at all. Then she smiled again and sat down behind the box. “Well, in any case, when we do get married, I think we should have a fall wedding.”

She reached into the box and pulled out a neatly folded quilt. Jacob watched as a wistful look spread over her face while her hand smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles.

She sighed before speaking. “Mom made me this quilt when I was ten. When she gave it to me, she said someday, when I had my own daughter that we could add more to it, then give it to her. We’d make it into a family heirloom, you know? I’m so glad I’ve kept it all these years and that it’s still in great condition. I’d love to work on it with mom so I can give it to our daughter someday.”

Once again Jacob felt that familiar panic attack bubbling up inside of him. “Please tell me you’re not pregnant! I thought we were going to wait until we were married for a few years!”

Bella let the quilt drop back into the box and put her hands on her hips. “Geez, Jacob! No I’m not pregnant and we did agree on that! Really! Would you stop jumping to conclusions! I’m just telling you what I hope to do someday, that’s all! You know I want kids someday, but I’d like to concentrate on work for a while, same as you!”

(Song: Within Temptation - Angels)

Jacob scowled. “What did you expect me to think when you were looking at that quilt that way? And the way you are suddenly so enthusiastic about planning a wedding, when you said you didn’t want to even think about it for a while! I don’t know what to expect from you anymore! You keep saying one thing and then overnight you just give in to whatever our families say!”

Bella’s frown deepened as she rose to her feet. “I haven’t just given in Jacob! We’ve been looking at houses for a while now, but since we finally found one and moved in, that’s one less thing I have to worry about. So what if I’m looking at things for our wedding? We haven’t set a date and we don’t need one to just to come up with ideas of how we’d like it to be!

I get that my parents are pushing for us to make a date right now, but your parents aren’t! And I’m more inclined to agree with your parents! Sarah knows what she’s doing and she knows how to soothe my parents’ nerves. So we go out and look at invitations and venues and whatever else that has to do with weddings, doesn’t mean I’m walking down the aisle tomorrow!”

Her hands had been flailing all over the place halfway through her ranting which made Jacob realize that was the first time she had raised her voice that dramatically since she had been a teenager. Still, that thought quickly left him when he opened his mouth without thinking.

“Fine! So we’re not getting married tomorrow! I still don’t get why you have to do all this planning! Hell, I don’t even know why I let you talk me into buying this house! Why do we need all this room?” he yelled.

“Planning is what I do Jacob! It’s what I’ve always done for all parts of my life!”

“Well we didn’t need this huge of a house!”

“We do if we plan on having a family someday! It’s worth it to get this house now even though it will be a while before we become parents!”

“Really? You think it’s worth it? All this stress over planning out our lives instead of just living it! How do we even know we can do all of it? How do we know it’ll all be worth it in the end?”

“I just know, Jake! I’m looking forward to being a mom someday! I know I’ll be a good one too! So what if I concentrate on working for a few years? At least by the time I’m ready to have children, I’ll have accomplished most of what I want to do!”

“Not if you keep making other plans, you won’t! Do you even go to work anymore? ‘Cause you seem to be all over the city looking at things for the house or a wedding. In fact, that’s all I’ve heard you talking about these days! You haven’t said a damn thing about your job though!”

She gasped. “Of course I’m still working! We see each other at the office every day even if it’s for a few minutes! It’s called multitasking, Jacob! With your degree you should be proficient at it too!”

He gritted his teeth. “That’s not the point!”

She threw up her hands. “Then tell me what the point is because I can’t figure out what is making you so distant and grouchy these days.”

He narrowed his eyes, so she had noticed that after all then. Still, he knew he had to say something. “Look, can’t we just go back to the way things were? Simple! Just you and me and our jobs. Why do we have to fall into this stupid pattern of making a nest out of a house that we didn’t agree on, or planning a showboat of a wedding, or even talking about adding more mouths to feed to our family!”

Bella gaped at him. “If you hated the house this much why’d you sign the lease then?”

He pulled at his hair. “Because you were so happy about it!”

“That’s it? Come on, Jacob! We’re in this together, you know! If you didn’t like it, you should have said something!”

“I tried! You weren’t listening!” he groaned.

She folded her arms over her chest. “Well, I’m listening now. So what else don’t you like?”

Suddenly he felt like he was under a microscope, yet he couldn’t stop his mouth from spewing the things that had been bothering him for a while. “I don’t think it’s worth it to plan things when you never know what will happen in the future. I mean, why go through all that trouble when you can’t be certain. Nothing is set in stone.”

Bella shook her head. “You are not making any sense whatsoever!”

He growled. “Planning a wedding, even without a set date is useless in my opinion.”

Bella set her fists on her hips again. “Fine, your opinion is noted. And that is why you’re not doing any of the planning right now. I can do it with the help of our mothers.”

He rolled his eyes. “And thinking of kids. Why bother? I mean, after everything that’s happened to me, do you really think it’ll be worth it? I would have thought you would see how much those things get in the way and mess up the best laid plans that people make! Haven’t you learned anything from that?”

Bella gaped at him. “It wasn’t my mistake, Jacob Black! But yes, of course I learned from it! That’s why I’m careful! That’s why I don’t plan on having children until I know we are both ready for it! Are you really going to stand there and tell me that I haven’t learned from watching you deal with a mistake that was just a lie in the end?”

“No, I’m just saying that I’ve learned from it and I’m still learning from it! It’s made me realize that I’m not ready for that and I don’t think any of that is worth it. I don’t want that kind of thing to mess up my life! Not now, not ever!”

Bella’s hands fell to her side as she stared at him. “What are you saying?”

He gritted his jaw. “I’m saying I don’t think we should talk about getting married or having kids. I don’t think that should be a part of our lives at all right now. We should just do what we said we’d do when we started college.”

“We have done it, Jacob. We graduated college and now we’re moving on with our lives.”

“We haven’t even worked at our jobs for a few months yet and already you’re moving on! I thought it would be a few years before we brought a house like this let alone start talking marriage!”

“Then why did you ask me to marry you during Spring Break? If you’re not ready to get married, why even ask?”

He shrugged. “It just felt like the right thing to do.”

“What?” she whispered.

He threw his hands up. “What do you want me to say? People get engaged and then wait years before getting married all the time!”

She held up her hand, “So you wanted to wait years? Just how many exactly?”

“Ten, fifteen, hell if I know.”

She closed her eyes. “Oh my God! You didn’t even think it through, did you? You didn’t even mean it!”

Silence met her words. Slowly she opened her eyes to stare at him. “Why the hell did you ask me to marry you, Jacob Black?”

He looked away. “It seemed like the next step to take to be with you. Figured if I put a ring on your finger, you’d be happy to stay with me.”

Her eyes grew wider. “That’s it? You just…you just wanted to have a way to keep me in your bed. That’s it, isn’t it? That’s all you’ve ever wanted.”

Her words stung him to the core. Did she really think all he ever wanted was to sleep with her. Unable to stop himself, he shrugged. “Maybe. You know how much I’ve always liked sex.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched as her lips trembled before she spun away from him and ran out of the room. Closing his eyes, he began to berate himself for saying things he never should have said. With a sigh, he walked towards the stairs that led to the bedrooms.

When he reached the master bedroom, he was surprised to find the door wide open, but he was even more shocked when he walked inside to find Bella tossing things into a suitcase.

“Bella? What are you doing?”

Without even looking up at him, she continued packing the suitcase. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

He shook his head. “No, don’t go like this. I’m sorry, okay. I’m just…”

“I know, Jacob. You’re angry and frustrated at the way life isn’t going the way you want it to. I get it. You’re still a boy, not ready for the responsibility of a family and all that. Believe me, I get it.”

He reached out for her. “That’s not what I meant, Bells.”

She yanked her arm away. “Don’t touch me! God Jacob! Don’t you think I know how differently we see things? You were always the playboy! Always wanting to play the field while having the least amount of responsibility that you could get away with. I was always the serious one, the one who had plans and dreams of what I wanted for my future. We never mixed, we should have known better than to try.”

She shut the suitcase, grabbed it then slid her shoes on. He tried to get her to look at him, to see that he didn’t want her to leave.

“Bella, where are you going?”

“To my parents.” She pushed past him, stopping long enough to set the engagement ring on the dresser. “I’m sure it won’t be hard for Sarah or Billy to figure out how to get us out of the lease for this house. That kind of thing isn’t new to them.”

With those heated words, she walked out of the house and out of his life.

**************************************************
(Song: Evanescence - Field of Innocence)

Bella sat curled up in the chair by the balcony, watching the patterns the rain made against the glass. It was now late at night, long after she had done all the crying her body had allowed her too. Her parents had gone to sleep hours ago, which was fine with her.

Earlier that night she had simply showed up with her suitcase, telling them she and Jacob had a fight, so could she stay in her old room for the night at least. Neither one of them had said a word other than to say if she needed to talk, she knew where to find them. She was glad they had left her alone so she could go to her room where she had thrown herself on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

She had slept through the beginning of the rain, but the thunder had finally woken her up from her fitful sleep. Unable to lie there, she got up to curl into her chair to watch the rain falling against the balcony door. The sounds of the rain soothed her battered heart as she thought about the things she and Jacob had said to each other as they had fought.

Ever since Sarah and Renee had introduced the house to them, he had grown distant and his mind always seemed to be elsewhere when they were together. At first she just blamed it on their ever-stressful jobs but when she began to notice how he wasn’t even paying attention to her during their lovemaking, she knew there was something more serious going on.

She had hoped that she was wrong, but when he came home and lit into her without even a ‘hi honey, I’m home’ she knew it was bad. She had tried not to believe that sex meant that much to Jacob, but deep down she knew it was. He may not have slept with tons of girls, but Bella knew he liked it a lot. Sure, she did too, but she wasn’t going to lie and say that she saw it the same way he did.

For her, no matter how many times she slept with Jacob, it always seemed to get better and better. For Jacob, it was an ‘in the moment’ thing. He never looked beyond the moment, whether it was sex or anything else in his life. That was why Bella was the planner and he wasn’t. Bella knew Jacob would be happiest if he could live his life flying by the seat of his pants.

Granted, she understood that all those plans they had been heaping on Jacob lately, was making him feel like he was a caged animal when he was meant to run free. She should have known better than to give in to her parents with the house and the wedding planning. She knew she should have paced things much slower, but she couldn’t help it. Not when doing all those things made her feel so happy.

While Jacob would have been happier just living life, she had been happier making those plans for the rest of their life together. She wanted that dream that she’d once had as a little girl. The big house with the white picket fence. The loving spouse and bundle of kids.

For a while there, she had believed Jacob had wanted the same things. He had proposed to her after all. He had told her that he loved her. They had shared so much together, and everything he had done since they had become a couple had fooled her into thinking he was on the same page as she was.

Maybe things would be better if she and Jacob could go back to the way things were in the beginning, when they had first admitted their love to each other and started dating exclusively. Maybe she could try to be as laidback and free as Jacob seemed to be.

Maybe pigs would fly.

She knew she was only fooling herself. Her dreams were different than his. They always had been and always would be. She would only be deluding herself if she believed either one of them could change to fit the other.

It hurt to know that they weren’t compatible like she had hoped and she knew it would continue to hurt for a while since they had to work with each other. Still, she was a big girl, so she vowed to herself that no matter what, she would get over it and move on. She would concentrate on her work for a while until her heart mended, then maybe she would find someone else who shared her dreams. Maybe someday she would meet someone who would be all that she had once hoped Jacob would be for her.

Watching the rain fall against the glass, she imagined all of her dreams were washing away with it. They were rushing away from her, leaving nothing but bitter tears that continued to fall down her face to splash against her trembling limbs.

She knew she could never go back to believing in dreams that no longer existed.